Listen -> Observe -> Vascillate -> then Evolve

All videos posted, always have secret messages between me and me. This one's more obvious than the rest.

Check-In

One thing we do about 5x's a day in my rehab program is a thing called a "check-in" where we go around the room, re-introduce ourselves, and run over some very basic facts. Since I've been unable to write, I'm going to do a check-in for you guys, just like I do all day, everyday:

Name: Eric
Drug of Abuse: Alcohol
Days Clean: 6
Cravings on a scale of 1-10: 3
2 Feelings: Alert, Feel like I need a new pair of jeans.
Recovery Behavior: Went to bed at a reasonable hour on a Saturday night.
Relapse Behavior:

Good Morning everyone. Today is Sunday, day of God. Make sure that all you believers out there make a little time to give some thanks.

Grandma / Kyle

When I was younger, I had a cousin who was so close to me, we were like brothers. We spent a lot of our childhood together and we were the only children in the family for a very long time, we were pretty much inseparable. He is currently away in Europe (he's in the military), and this weekend when we found out our grandmother died, his reaction was similar to mine in the fact that it was traumatic and hysterical.

He's on myspace and though I don't keep in touch with him, and he doesn't know this, he's going to be the biggest recipient when it comes to my last will and testament, whenever that day should come. I felt like making sure, that though we don't keep in touch now that we're older, that he should hear from me in this sorrowful time:

Hey Kyle,

I know you know what happened, it all took me by surprise as well. I want you to know that, even though we don't keep in touch, that you can write me about anything you need, anytime.

You and I had a similar relationship with her especially when we were young. You might not remember those times as much as I do, but we were there with her quite a bit.

Both you and I share another bond too though. We are both away from the family right now and that might make things hard on you... it does me too. It's time that you know that I believe that she's now able to be with us every bit as much as she's always been and that she watches over you just like she did when you were growing up.

I love you,

Eric

So Chic, Sooo Trendy

For those of you who read my blog... I'm going to bid you adieu for a little while as I start attending a rehabilitation program in the lovely city of San Francisco. It's going to be at least 2 weeks long but I can parlez that, if needed, to 18 months... which I won't of course.

I will still be able to check on everyone and occasionally, when inspired, I will write... it's just going to be a bit more sporadic from here on out.

Also, I want to mention, that love comes from very suprising sources, and I don't want anyone to ever think that I don't have people who are supportive around me, despite how unhealthy my environment can be. This weekend I found a deep well of love from a lot of people that I'd never expected it from.

False alarm. I didn't get fired. I was given a written warning, which is still only the predecessor to a final written. My boss had to schedule an appointment with HR to give it to me, which is a little spineless, considering the fact that I had a written once 2 years ago and it usually consists of just handing me some paper to sign. My boss is scared of me though, so I can't blame him.

I Know You're Watching.

It's been a little over a month since I've kept up with this blog and for that I'm certainly proud. Out of the people who've been reading regularly, there have been a few suprises. It's nice to know that these people who've held important positions in my life check up on me (even when I never realized they did).

And now, their names and positions:

Megan (The Mother of My Future Gay Children)
David (The Best Boyfriend Our Friends Have Ever Had)
Drew (The God-Like Voice Above, From The Genesis of My Blog-History)
Bianc@ (My Warrior)
Melanie (The Ultra Competitive Big-Sister Figure)
Kevin (My Beloved Ex-Boss)
Jackie (The Hostess of My Hideout)
Gary (My Voyeuristic Ex-Boyfriend)
Alex (The Best Friend Who Makes Blog Hits From Athens)

I love you.

I wonder who else is watching?

Hold Please...

My life is a never-ending series of things put on hold like, cleaning my room, contacting people who've been trying to contact me, taking my damaged clothing to alterations.

At this moment:

Actual Posts = 36
Drafts = 17

One more draft and we've got a 2:1 ratio here.

I have 3 more "I'm an alcoholic and I need help" appointments for the next week. Also, there's a lingering possibility I might get fired today. Whatever, it's good, I'm not worried, the soul naturally rejects poison just like your body does.

I also have Missy to look forward to tonite, Coffee with Henry sometime this weekend, Maybe give Rich a shout and take him out to lunch for his birthday. These things are good. Let this weekend be a sensible one, full of a bunch of simple things in life...

High

Was it me or did your ass try to refer to my blog in the way that only you would do? And did I pick up on that shit in only the way that I can? Or was I just high?

Dream

I am in a baseball card store which is really my room when the Ripken brothers walk in, Cal and Billy. We share laughs, I'm very confident and sociable with them and I'm feeling very underwhelmed by the Ripkens because, though I respect Cal and all that he's done, I was never a fan of the Orioles. I tell them that I have Billy Ripken's error card (which I do in real life) and we talk about how the card-collecting industry tried to play off the writing on the bottom of Billy's bat as saying "Rick Face" instead of "Fuck Face". I also go on and on about loving the version I have, despite it being the least collectible, because Fleer attempted to cut it out with a machine and in doing so missed it and it was perfectly legible on the knob of Billy's bat.

The dream then fast forwards and Billy is gone and it's just me and Cal in my room reading. Cal Ripken then suggests we go for a walk, and we do, but now he's turned into George Brett who I absolutely adore and admire as a baseball player. The dream then turns into some fuzzy sunshiney montage of happiness where me and George Brett are jogging, playing racing games, and he teaches me how to catch despite the fact that he's a 3rd baseman. Imagine that, some alpha male baseball player teaching me how to "catch".

Anyways, then George Brett asks me if I know any other baseball players. I start telling him how Barry Bonds was my stepfather in the early 90's when he was with the Pirates (this is true, in the dream) and that Willie Mays would attend my holiday functions (since he is Barry's godfather). The whole thing about Willie and Barry underwhelms me though what does excite me is gossiping to George Brett that the late Kirby Puckett was an astronomical asshole and that Mike Schmidt was very kind and loving but also a bit of a primadonna (It's not untill right now as I type this that I realize, telling George Brett that Mike Schmidt is a primadonna, is a baseball in-joke). There was also another baseball player who I was extremely close to, actually, but of course I can't remember him right now.