Emotional Intelligence

Today, at our "team-meeting" we're having a 1-hour presentation given to us on "Emotional Intelligence". "Emotional Intelligence" in the context our working environment, at its very base level, is the use of what are called "pedestal words" like:

Please. Thank You! Fantastic! Wonderful! Great Job!

No seriously. That's the first layer of "emotional intelligence". The second layer involves appropriate sentences that incorporate these words. For instance, instead of saying "Can I get your phone number?" you say "If you would be so great as a provide me with a phone number, please..."

That's the second layer.

The third layer does get a little interesting and a little more complicated. It's acknowledging the communication pattern the person you're speaking with uses... So an example:

If someone says "I SEE something is wrong with my etc..."

You have to note that they are using the sensory expression of "see" as opposed to "feel" or "hear". So you wouldn't want to say "So to be sure I understand you correctly, you FEEL there's something wrong with your etc..." Instead you would probably want to consciously word it like "I SEE what you're saying, and it LOOKS like you're telling me that something is wrong with your etc..."

Now I'm born and raised in the birthplace of the corporate silicon mentality. For fear of dating myself, I've been in these corporate environments for more than 10 years. Countless things happen in these sterile environments, much like the movie "Office Space", but I'm here to tell you... this too, is nothing but shit. It's exactly this deluge of numbingness that landed my mom, all her friends, and all my friend's parents on cocktails of prozac and xanax in the 80's.

I love how some of my fellow employees who've had this same job for 10 years, or so, sit there at these trainings and become enraptured into this great holy gift of shit training they're receiving. My department is full of people who've had gastric bypasses, and I'm starting to think it's less the suburban food they eat and more the manure they've been fed thru the years... Plain and simply, you are not training them anything. They have no VISION, no EAR for what you're saying, and cannot FEEL anything really.

I had my monthly "one-on-one" with my boss a couple days ago. He said that I was among the pre-selected people that they had to warn about the presentation on "Emotional Intelligence". They feared I would give the presenter a hard time. Yes, I am that person. It's not that I'm rebellious, it's more that they have a good idea that I'm not going to be completely comfortable with being told, basically, how to be a kind person. And on top of that, I have a hard time being surrounded by people where there's a possibility that these concepts could be completely new to them.

Anyway. Being disgruntled at work and detesting the politics behind your work environment is nothing new. Being among the small handful of people out of 200-person environment, who the whole department SEES does things a little differently is ok. Me and Chanelle are a very visible tandem at work. Someone in my most recent row of 12 cubicles unknowingly complimented me the other day:

"You know Eric, when you're in a bad mood, the entire row can feel that you're in a bad mood, and everyone is quiet and doesn't talk and just focuses on their work... but when you're happy and you're talking, the whole row lights up and everyone has a great time."

Which just goes to show that "Emotional Intelligence" runs a lot deeper than saying "Please..."

Ok this is my last post about work for the week, I promise.

Chinese New Year Pics Pt I

Yes, That is our Chinese/Black ?beauty? Payshintz from Season 2 of Flavor of Love in the pics w/Chanelle and James.

Chinese New Year Pics Pt III

Are Eddie and I the only people who knew to wear red?

You Look Like...

A couple of weeks ago, Angel told me a game she plays at work using everybody's favorite search engine Google, and though the level of childishness is unmatched... I like it.

Edit, from what I've been told, everyone's been doing this game, fuck off, still fun...

So to keep things light and to reverse my blog's tone... here are the very simple rules. Open up your google... type in the search field "Eric looks like" (Or any name you chose, don't forget the quotes). You can either be fair and take the first description that comes up, or you can pick your favorite good/or bad quote. Since I'm fair, I'll list the first one that comes up for me:

"Eric looks like a very dirty Sunday School Jesus-clown who teaches children about Christ through humor and balloon sculptures."

Some others, unfairly selected:

"Chanelle looks like a bloke in drag... "

"Ed looks like Ben Affleck with down syndrome."

"Laughlin looks like a tough guy but talks like he has a Muppet in his mouth."

"Gary looks like he has an eating disorder and he's usually pretty attractive."

"Son looks like a fag to me."

:D

So of course this begs the obvious question...

What the hell are people writing about the people they know in their blogs?

Finally...

I haven't spoken to Gary in about 6 months. You know, come to think of it, it's about 6 months exactly, a couple weeks before my birthday in September. It couldn't have come at a better time because I've been thinking about him a lot recently.

Never more so, in these last 6 months, than last night... when I spent most of my afternoon amongst friends in Chinatown SF where he was born and raised all the way untill, well, last September. I recall even walking by the random ghetto apartments where his family lived and pointing towards them w/Adrienne saying "I think that's where Gary grew up..." as if she had any idea at all who I was talking about. Or even wondering w/Chanelle "I wonder if we'll run into Gary today..." though I know damn well that he's living his life as a lawyer in Manhattan these days.

When me and Gary were together, it was impossible not to encounter him, even when we were fighting. We traveled in similar packs... eventually our packs were so similar, there were instances of cross dating between our social groups. We partied in the same places. I ran into him EVERY time I went out, broken up or not. And we broke up several times only to end up putting eachother through another cycle of pain and delaying the inevitable.

Gary stopped talking to me just before he was about to embark on his fresh new start. He knew it was right for him. He also knew he loved me and that I had warned him what the dangers would be if he were to be with me, and though he didn't want to believe it, he watched it all come true. I told him very nearly at the start of our relationship that he shouldn't get involved w/me because as with everyone in my life, I will grow very close and we will be mutually attached... but... to be with me would be putting yourself in a foolish danger and that there were many perils to being involved w/an alcoholic whose prior relationship was mentally cruel and abusive.

So we cycled in an out of relationships for more than a year, unable to be apart and having the constant confrontation of running into eachother drunk or on ecstacy... and for those couple hours setting aside all the logical reasons for being away from eachother.

Gary is a self-made success story. As mentioned before he grew up in the ghettos of Chinatown w/his garment district working mother, blind father, and two sisters all in a small apartment within a project building. He'd tell me stories of walking into the elevator to go to school and finding it covered in blood. He did well in school, fought for his individuality, went directly to Georgetown after graduating from the distinguished Lowell High School in SF. After Georgetown he went to Berkeley's Boalt Law School and pursued his ultimate dream of being a civil rights attorney. And what impressed me most was that he maintained his flamboyance, his fun-loving disposition, and his pure heart which was nothing but loving all the while juggling the strenuous schedule of being a law student at a reputable school. He was a good boy personified. He was always something to be proud of.

Anyway, the point of my post is to mention that he finally let me speak to him. I'd tried numerous times and especially through the holidays to reach out selfishly knowing I'd be opening up old wounds. Gary was in love with me and I merely loved Gary. I loved everything about him, but was as I still am, unable to fall in love. He used to muse about how he was going to figure out how to move me to New York with him, or how he was going to have to adjust his life to incorporate me. These were unfulfilled dreams and I knew they would be. I told him today that, though I understood the reasons why he could no longer maintain contact with me, that I've felt that without him, the year that we spent together felt like it didn't exist. I told him about the progression of my alcoholism... he knows all about it... it's main growth occurred when he was my love and he'd schedule my doctor appointments to make sure I was well. I told him about my weight gain, and how I went from semi-cut to semi-fat... that made him laugh. He told me what it feels like to be lonely in a studio in Manhattan, and how also it feels to be independent. Ultimately though... we just reflected about the aftermath of an extremeley emotional time for both of us. And FINALLY, I was given an opportunity to remind him of what he means to me in perspective of the greater good.

Gary has changed the model of what I look for in a relationship. Though I haven't really been on the market since he was in my life, he exemplifies the purity which will eventually be all that I have time for. He's also a warning against hastily throwing myself into emotionally delicate situations. You'll have to forgive me for being a little emotional today. I miss this boy terribly.